A Letter to the Younger Awkward Me

I was getting ready for my day one Saturday in February and I was thinking about how I was going to help do security at our church for a Secret Keeper Girl event that evening.  SKG is an event that’s for tween girls and their moms.  I was remembering my tween-aged years and just how awkward it was.  You see, I was a bit of an ugly duckling.  I had friends, but I had some enemies as well.  I was picked on because I was one of just a couple only children.  Like my son today, I was very confident in the fact that I was well-loved in my family circle.  I wasn’t prepared for the dog-eat-dog world of middle school.  All these thoughts came rushing back to me and I was running around the house trying to find a pen to write this letter to my tween-self.

Dear Sandy:

The first thing I want to tell you is that those kids who said you were too fat, had a big nose, were too loud, too talkative, selfish, spoiled, had hair that was too short, you looked like a boy, and whose breasts were too big, they don’t matter.  Unfortunately, they will help form who YOU think you are, but they will be wrong.

You will make many mistakes along the way and even do things that you know are wrong to try to get people to like you.  But they aren’t the people that will matter to you when you get older.  Say no to those things so that you don’t look back as an adult and shake your head, knowing that you didn’t need cave into the pressure.

No matter how awkward you feel now, how picked on, how beat down or discouraged, take heart that life WILL get better.  You find a marvelous man, who will marry you because he loves you and sees past all of the surface stuff.  He will be the light of you life and the reason for you to live such a happy life.  The two of you will have such a beautiful boy.  A child that makes your heart just overflow with love.  You’ll have the opportunity to bless others and be blessed on your job; to be God’s hands and feet.

One cool thing that will be that those people who said those things about you, they’ll become acquaintances and friends thanks to time healing those old wounds.  You’ll learn that they were hurting during those years too.  You’ll learn some dark ugly things that were going on in their lives.  The best part is, you’ll be able to forgive them.  You’ll be able to move on and live a great life.  You will grow into the beautiful woman of God that was His desire for you to be.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ~Jeremiah 29:11

Thankful for a Big Rear by Teasi Cannon – a Guest Post

Please welcome Teasi Cannon, the author of My Big Bottom Blessing:  How Hating My Body Led to Loving My Life.  Teasi (pronounced Tee See) is married to her best friend, Bill Cannon, and they have three awesome children: Carli, Ben, and Sam.  Teasi has a master’s degree in pastoral counseling from Liberty Theological Seminary, and is a sought-after speaker who loves to help women remember who they are in Christ.

One day not long ago I was sweeping my kitchen floor in the near trance-like state of La La Land, when I was jolted to my senses by the precious voice of my 4-year-old nephew saying, “Aunt Teasi, you have a vahwee (very) big butt.”

I set my broom aside, smoothed my shirt, and calmly turned to face him.  Bright-eyed and curly-haired, he stood – completely oblivious to the fact that he had said the words no woman ever wants to hear.  And then I let him have it.  I bent down, coming only inches away from his little round face, and said, “Why…thank you!”  Then I smiled big, stood to grab my broom, and returned unscathed to the task at hand.

A few years ago those innocently spoken words would have completely obliterated me, and rather than a thank you, might have actually incited an immature come-back such as: “Oh, yeah?  Well, you’re short and you talk funny.”

But now, to the glory of God, moments like that are reminders to me that the miraculous has happened: I no longer hate my body (especially my back side); in fact, it has become one of the biggest blessings in my life.

Like most women (really every woman I’ve ever met), I lived years literally disgusted with what I saw in the mirror.  The territory between my ears felt like nothing short of a war zone, with battles being fought everywhere: the bathroom, the grocery store, the bedroom, even church.  I could never silence the ambush-ready community of inner critics (those hurtful thoughts we all think) that called my head home.  And I missed out on so much: parties I refused to attend because my pants were too tight, dates with my husband because of a few gained pounds, quality time with my kids.  I know I’m not alone in this.

We women have been lied to for years.  We’ve been told that our value – our very right to be seen and celebrated – is determined by our waist-to-hip ratio or the proportions of our facial features, and that’s just not true.  Our value is determined by the only One who really knows it: our God.

After hitting my head hard on the floor of my personal pit of despair, I slowly began my journey toward believing that.  One inch at a time of healing, truth, and righteous anger led me to a life-saving realization: All those years I was desperate to change how I looked, God was desperate to change how I see.  And He did.

Truth is, if God can make a prostitute the great grandmother of the Messiah, turn water into wine, and make blind men see; don’t you think He can turn a big bottom – or a big nose – or bird-thin legs – or whatever it is you hate – into a blessing.  He did it for me, and I’m so ridiculously happy about the journey that I wrote a book about it.

Book Review: My Big Bottom Blessing by Teasi Cannon

From this moment on you will have a new name.  You are never to call yourself a fat Christian woman again.  From here on out, you are ever and only…My Beloved. – Father God

I had the opportunity to review  My Big Bottom Blessing:  How Hating My Body Led to Loving My Life by Teasi Cannon and published by Worthy Publishing.  (Hint, hint; on 5/24/2012 you can see a post by Teasi right here on Uncompromising!)  This book is about Teasi’s struggle with weight and body image beginning with some pretty incredible hurts.

I really appreciated that this was Teasi’s story, her struggles and pain, and what, ultimately made a difference for her.  The book doesn’t come across as a self-help book.  The best part of reviewing My Big Bottom Blessing was that it was something that I needed to hear from someone with the same struggles as me.

The book is great for a small group study or for individual reading.  It was written well and a very easy read.  Each chapter is another part of Teasi’s story.  Sometimes she has conversations with characters, who cause her stinkin’ thinkin’.  She is very vulnerable as she tells very painful stories from her life.

At the end of each chapter is a prayer, questions for the reader to answer about what was discussed in the chapter, a pep talk, and a forward focus word with corresponding Bible promises.  I like the fact that each Bible verse is written out so that I didn’t have to find each one.

What touched me the most was when Teasi spoke of her encounter with evangelist Jack Frost.  Specifically, when Frost said, “It doesn’t matter if you feel it or not.  The truth is still the truth.”  It helped me work out something that wasn’t even related to the book.

Teasi used an analogy that like Saul, who persecuted Jesus’ followers, we persecute God with our warped self-image.  We call God a liar when He tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and we speak of our fat thighs, flabby arms, and poor self-esteem.

What really came across was that we need to stop trying to get our self-image and self-worth from the media machine and start looking to the Father and what He says about us.  We are all People of the Second Chance, so we need to stop wallowing in bondage and start living life as our loving Papa God created us to live.

Leave one comment below and I’ll choose a commenter on 5/23/2012 at 4 PM (Eastern Time) to receive a copy of My Big Bottom Blessing:  How Hating My Body Led to Loving My Life.

Read Chapter 1 of My Big Bottom Blessing by clicking on the title.